:: 10:33 AM by Jason
I was listening to one of my fave songs this morning
it always makes me sad, brings alot of memorys to the surface
the band's name is Queen and the song is
Who Wants To Live Forever

There's no time for us
There's no place for us
What is this thing that builds our dreams
Yet slips away from us
Who wants to live forever?
Who wants to live forever.....?
There's no chance for us
It's all decided for us
This world has only one sweet moment
Set aside for us
Who wants to live forever?
Who wants to live forever.....?
Who dares to love forever
When love must die?
But touch my tears with your lips
Touch my world with your fingertips
And we can have forever
And we can love forever
Forever is our today
Who wants to live forever?
Who wants to live forever?
Forever is our today
Who waits forever anyway?

:: 9:50 AM by Jason
ok yesterday was a semi-good day
im only keeping this short

spend alot of time chatting to Tina, Kathy, Laurie, and Kevin
about various things that are going on in my life and theirs
i think everything is sorted now

had more fun with webcam last night
*Hi Kat*

watched Lord of the Rings on video last night
freaking excellent film, one of the BEST films ever
cant wait until Two Towers comes out at christmas

thats the basics of yesterday
it was a long day full of
tears, laughter, sadness, hugs,
and new hopes.

today is a new day, and its a bright one.

laters

:: 12:30 PM by Jason
ok then...on to the next part of yesterday

had a lot of silly fun with my webcam
taking loads of pictures and sending it to my friends
acting daft in front of people you have not met yet is very cool

*waves* Hi Tina...lol
love the photos babe
hehehehehehe

on to other things now

chatted to Kathy until 7am this morning
thats why im fucking tired...
damn i need more sleep

anywhoo....

i dont know what happend between us last night
but...i think we both hurt each other
and said things that we did not mean
or in my case
said things to her that i did not mean

whatever the outcome will be
i hurt a good woman
and acted like a fucking prat again
so maybe she will be better off not being with me
its not what i want,
but i screwed up big time

maybe im better off being alone
cuz always in the end i screw up
and hurt my loved ones

been thinking alot about my future
so many people have said what my path,
my destiny is gonna be like
and you know what?
i cant see my future
not anymore
my path is now under a veil, a cloud
hidden from me

Thoughts & Feelings :-
Tired, Sad, Hurting, Lost, Foolish, Dumb.

maybe the title of my blog explains all about me
ETERNAL FOOL
thats what i am and what i will always will be
a fool to himself
and to everyone else

not worthy of being good,
only worthy of closing my eyes for the final time

laters

:: 3:55 PM by Jason
oooooh boy...what a day so far

mum is still ill, i told her to stay in bed today
as she had trouble walking
i am very very worried about this,
cant wait until thursday so she can have
a blood test and a full medical

went out to the shops this morning
only a quick visit , as i had to get back home
got some meds for mum and bought myself a video -
Lord of the Rings...
cant wait to watch it again, very cool film
did a bit of food shopping for the weekend
and then i came home

also i bought myself a webcam
so if any of you wanna see what the witch looks like
gawd help ya thats all i can say...lol

came online and chatted for a bit to my friends
Hi Tina :)
and thats it so far.....

To be continued.....

:: 12:47 AM by Jason
yesterday was a weird day
it felt like i was floating all day
it seemed very unreal for me
like my view on the world reality was uncovered for the first time
and i saw things in a different light

stayed at home in the end
as mum was not well
and i had to look after her
she has been talking about getting a will made up
just in case anything happens
as you can tell, this kinda upset me

alot of sad thoughts have been
going thru my mind today,
and i keep looking at the photo of my dad i have on my wall
and well....like i said im sad....

and i know i have people here who say
that they love and care for me,
but today i really felt very very alone

ive always been by myself for the past 27 years
maybe im gonna be alone again
i know i wont be...but that is my biggest fear

chatted for a bit to my friends Laurie, Tina, and Kevin
they make me smile and happy,
always trying to cheer me up

missed Kathy today, hope she is alright
shes jobhunting today
so all my luck goes with her and best wishes as well

i have been wondering what happand to my friend Judith
i wrote her a letter like nearly 4 weeks ago now,
and i have had no reply back
hope she is allright, missed talking to her

Note to self -
Watch 8 legged freaks at the cinema
Email Jo again, see if she wants to go out sometime
Buy the Lord of the Rings Video
Get in touch with Fanboy, about my Stuff that i need to buy off him


anywhoo laters ....love you all xxx

:: 8:53 AM by Jason
Yesterday was a good day

talked alot to people i care about and love
*waves to* Kathy, Tina, Laurie, Pat

took my mum to the doctors
she needs a blood test next week
and a full medical check up
so hopefully...there is nothing wrong with her

hopefully...

also i have added some more stuff to this blog
and changed a few things round

i have added a guest book
so go and bloody sign it will ya...lol

ive also added more links
latest link is for Rocky Horror - Tina's website on all things RHPS
very cool site, and the photos are cool

also yesterday

i have finally after so many months of designing and redesigning
have finished my witchcraft website DARK MOON
where you can find the link at the top bar

but....

the only problem is now...that im bored...lol
i dont know what site to build next...lol
any suggestions, tell me please

later today, i might go out...dont know yet
as i feel really tired
only got a couple of hours sleep
plus i have not got my giro money to go out and pay bills and treat myself

:: 10:11 AM by Jason
well yesterday was interesting,
im not gonna go into many details,
just a very long day with alot of chats with different people

spent alot of time feeling ill for a reason,
which wont happen again, i hope

and also i was revamping my blog,
adding new bits and links to it....
still have not finished yet

im also nearly finished on my witchcraft site - DARK MOON
which will be published by the end of the week

for all the people i was an ass to last night...im sorry...
that was my dark side that i try and keep hidden from the world

well that was yesterday, and now onto today...lol

later this afternoon, im taking my mum to hospital, as she needs a check up on her legs
it be a lie if i said i was not worried, cuz i am...very worried

im also hoping to sort the housing benefit office today as well
if not, this lil witch will be homeless, and then i be pissed off

tomorrow, im hoping to go round a mates house for a drink

Thoughts:-
waiting for bad news, thinking i should have stayed in bed longer

Feelings:-
tired, need a drink, confuzzled over a few people

What i would love to do right now:-
have a massage, let my shields down more, listen to Queen music really loud

:: 11:04 AM by Jason
just testing some changes
i have made to my blog now

:: 10:43 AM by Jason
woke up this morning,
almost screwed things up with Kathy
but things have been sorted

:: 9:26 PM by Jason
This is fucking pissing me off now
Im trying to chat to my friends on MSN
and the fucker keeps kicking me off
while im chatting
major fucking GRRRRRRR

:: 5:08 PM by Jason
I hate taxi drivers...lol
got a taxi home this afternoon as it was pissing it down outside,
and the prick overcharged me by a quid..
so i was in a Grrrrr mood with him...
normally you get charged only 3 quid..Grrrrrr....lol

anywhoo...
what a day i have had so far...

got up late,
which i dont mind as i have not really slept very well the past few days
dashed to the job center to sign on,
had to wait ages with a bunch of low life scum...
hehehee....i know im gonna get hit for saying that,
but who cares

after signing on,
i went and bought myself a DVD - Human Traffic
freaking excellent film...love it...lol

then i came home and came on here
pretty crappy day really...
hope tonight someone will make me smile and laugh

Thought of the day:-
confuzzled, Grrrrr, feeling a bit ill, need some Tlc

What i want to feel like:-
Sorted, mashed, safe, happy with oneself

Stuff i need:-
New Mobile Phone, Black Shirt,
New Sword, Have my hair shaved off

:: 7:46 PM by Jason
It was a very very long day yesterday

spent the whole time on the computer chatting to my friends,
and working on my website
nearly finished on Dark Moon,
so when that is published i will update my Twilight Realm
and work on a new website,
maybe for my story that i am writing...
still need a name for it...lol

chatted alot to Laurie, Kathy, and Tina last night,
three of my women on the net..lol
and i just know one of them is gonna hit me for saying that..hahaha
the price you pay for being loved ..lol

ive only had 2 hours sleep and im bloody tired...lol
stayed up all night and day talking...

need a break from this for a while i think,
go out and smell a tree or something...lol
or should that be hug a tree..lol

had a bolt from the blue this afternoon...
got an email from an old schoolfriend, Jo short...
i have not seen her in years, shes doing good for her self,
she wants to catch up on old things,
so looks like i be on a gossip night..lol
which i dont mind.

well tonight i might not stay online as much,
well i will do,
but not to 6 or 7 am again...lol

tomorrow is gonna be a long fucking day
happy happy joy joy.

i might just end up kicking some ass,
if anyone pisses me off.

anywhoo..laters...for now

:: 6:41 PM by Jason
Yesterday was a very long and interesting day.
For starters...I had a brief chat with Kathy in the morning,
But I acted like a typical ass, and spoilt it.

So I went offline and got ready to go to the shops,
As we have run out of food here.
Did a bit of shopping, bumped into an old mate of mine, Martin,
Who used to work for me when I managed a video store,
He wants to go on a drinking bender with me,
Which I will do when I get some more money.
Go and do a pub and bar crawl, which might be fun.

Got back home, came online, checked my emails
And there was a message from Kathy,
And when I read it, I knew that I was a complete idiot,
I really did hurt her...
Some boyfriend I am, what a prat !!!

I chatted a bit to some friends online for most of the night,
Helped my friend Laurie alot, as she was upset,
She’s a good woman,
Who deserves not to be treated like she has done.

But I find that alot in life, all the best women,
All the wonderful souls I have met online,
Are always treated like shit,
Or somehow very sad and have bad views of themselves.
I wish I could make everyone better,
Bring a smile to everyone’s face,
I really don’t care about my happiness and myself,
I just want to make others happy,

And there is one woman who I love to make happy
And to see her smile everyday, and that is Kathy.
I might be a total prick and an ass at times,
And have so much doubt in myself, but I want to see that she is happy,
I care for her very much and my love for her is unlimitless,
The biggest problem I have is me; I have alot of troubles on my mind,
And I hope that I can sort them out soon.

I did not go to sleep until 8am this morning and got up at 3pm
I feel total drained and very hungry, just had a thought....
I have not eaten since Monday or Tuesday, shit ...no wonder I feel ill

Had a good chat with my mate Kevin this afternoon,
He’s a good kid and a good friend
I seem to have more close friends on the net, then I do on here, where I live
Strange that...lol

Weather wise its hot and muggy, hate hot weather, I prefer the cool winters and cold nights
Well for me tonight, I might watch a video or two, and come back online
Need to talk to Kathy, im missing her
Plus I have alot of work to do as well
Like updating my Twilight Realm website, finishing off my Dark Moon witchcraft website
And posting on Para united, plus im thinking about working on a new website
Don’t know what yet, need some ideas first.

Things to do next week, so I can remember when I check on here -
Take mum to doctors; really worried about her, she’s not been well recently,
And well...yesterday, it was bad...I think she might end up in a wheelchair
Or in a nursing home.... at this moment im upset and very worried

Anyway...hopefully things will turn out all right and good

:: 10:56 AM by Jason
Morning all :)

Im bloody tired, ive only had about 4 hours sleep...
at the moment im listening to really loud Queen music (which is the best band in the fucking world)
and drinking a coca cola, gotta love that Buzz first thing in the morning...lol

:: 2:48 AM by Jason
What a fucking shitty day i have had,
no money,
no food in the house,
everyone around me in a pissed off mood.
fuck it, why do i continue to go on with life, i really do wonder sometimes,
i mean comeon, what have i got to offer?
27years old, no job, no home to call my own, not alot of friends,
and the ones i do have are not all that, im single, my mind is full of distrust of certain people,
and i have no real family except my mum,
plus i have lost alot of confidence and my happiness in the past year and a half....
so as you can tell, im not really in a great mood.
on top of my feelings tonight , as well..lol
im having doubts over my girlfriend, as if i do want to be with her,
i really do love her, that will never change, but she drives me crazy and pushes me away,
which hurts alot...i know why she pushes me away,
but still...it does make me sad that she cant see what she has in front of her,
but oh well...its late now, and im talking shite...
gawd i need a DRINK right now..lol

oh well...onto other things...

rang vicki today, and had another brief call with her,
she has been acting weird towards me since last year when she came down and stayed over...
dont know whats up with her, had a quick hello from my godson, so that was alright.
at the moment im chatting to my dear friend laurie, who i have been friends with for over a year now,
shes the best, trying to cheer me up and well...i love her to bits, shes a good mate *Hello Laurie*

well if im saying hello , i might as well say hi to everyone -
Hello to the following peeps:
Kathy, Catbreath(dont ask), Chris (Tina), Nicky, Nemesis, Kevin, Everyone else on Para-United. *hugs and kisses to you all*

well, what else can i say now?
i hope tomorrow is a better day, and maybe oneday i will find my smile again.

laters

:: 10:01 AM by Jason
Sorry that i have not posted in a bit,
alot of stuff as happend recently,
and i need to have time for my mind to process it all.
hmmmm...where to start....
well yesterday i spent the whole day on the computer chatting to my friends on msn
and working on my website/posting messages on discussion forums, which i do alot
i kinda had "words" with my girlfriend as well yesterday,
and i admit what happend did hurt me alot, so that kinda pissed me off most of the day
i think we have sorted everything out today,
so hopefully everything is joy and happiness between us both
i really do love Kathy, and i do hope that we will be happy together, i really want that, us two together.
at the moment im having problems with the council people who want to evict me from my home
so hopefully , very soon its gonna be sorted and i can have a roof over my head.
i need to start to sort my life out soon, find a job and work out my path,
where my future is leading me to and where i want to end up.
NOTE TO SELF:- Ring Vicki, have not spoken to her in months