:: 12:07 PM by Jason
Good Morning

ive been really busy this week, sorting stuff out for mum's funeral.
went up to the funeral directors last week to sort out the service, its gonna cost me £1217.00 for the whole thing.
which is alot of money.
i need to sort out mums insurence, to see if i can pay the funeral from that.

today im going to go to the council to see if i can stay in the house or not,
they really should let me live there as it is my family home for the past 20 years.

uncle terry rang me the other day, he was a bit funny on the phone as he did not know what to say to me,
which i guess its alright as i have only met him once and mum has only seen him once in the past 50 years herself.

bless kathy, she rang me up early this morning, about 1.45am
i was fast asleep, but i chatted to her for a bit, but the problem was there was a bad connection, so i had to cut the chat quick.
hope she did not mind.
but i say this, it meant alot to me that she phoned, to know that there are people out there, who care about me.
plus i love her voice as well, very sexy ;-)

im thinking about applying for my old job again at blockbusters,
as its all new managers now, and they wont remember my past there...i hope..lol

mums funeral is this friday at 3pm, she is going to be cremated.
melanie and martin, vicki, yvonne and chris, danny and may, plus the neighbours will be coming to the service and back to the house for a wake.
i also need to ask carl, if he wants to come as well, as i will need the support.

then next monday, i will pick up mums ashes and keep them until i go up north and sprinkle her remains on the north sea.

and then ??? ....... whats next in my life?
i need to find a job to pay for the house and all the remaining debts,
i need to start looking for a future for myself, my own path and maybe think about (later next year) moving up north.

i think i will go for now
so i will update later
bye for now

:: 1:36 PM by Jason
Life is pure hell for me at the moment, i really do not know what to do anymore
i am so very lost from everything, all i want to do is to die and let the blackness sweep me away.

on sat evening 16th Nov, just after 10pm, my mamma passed away in my arms
i have lost the only good thing in my life, im all alone now, alone and hurting.

Mum was alright except a headache and a bit of sickness, and we were watching television,
she got up to go to the bathroom and then that was it she fell on the floor, her whole body started to bloat out, a
nd she was coughing and gasping for breath, i tried everything i can think of but she died in my arms,
my beloved sweet mother who was my best friend, my companion, passed away.

i really do not know what to do now, im all alone in a big house, that i need to sort out to see if i can stay there or not.
my sister who i have not spoken to in over a year has been helping me,
but she lives in lincoln, and its pretty far away from where i live, so she cant stay here to be with me,
i wish she was here, as i really do need someone to hold and to talk to.

i dont know how long until i will be able to come back online as i need to think of other stuff for the moment.
but if anybody does read this, please think of me.

Jason
xxx

Margaret Rose Louis
B: 5th Feb 1931
D: 16th Nov 2002
Mamma rest in peace, i will always love you, and i will see you very soon

Welcome to the Ramblings of
WitchBoy.
Rushing headlong in where Angels fear to tread,
but probably getting away with it.

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